By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
we're so committed to being not committed
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
