Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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