I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
