Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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