we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
