Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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