can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize