so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
