How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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