She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
