There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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