why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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