I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
