So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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