pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm just crazy horny about you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
