that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
