Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
