how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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