I murdered the dance floor call the cops
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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