Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
