Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
