GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
