I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
