I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am naked and annoyed.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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