So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize