Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize