u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize