I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
