thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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