God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just invented taco cereal.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
