Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
