i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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