I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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