I want to walk on stilts...naked
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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