ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
