with your own penis?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
