I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
