Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
