I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think my moral compass just broke
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
