okay pat passed out under dana's car
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
