I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
