we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I see more hoeing in ur future
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