we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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