she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
