the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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