in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
