Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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