I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My vagina is officially offended.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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