but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
