We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
