My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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