How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize