I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i now understand why vodka
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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