Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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