WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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