I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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