its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
