I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
