Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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