dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
