I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
