So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My nipple is on Facebook.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
