I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
