All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
