so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
