Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
