Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
