he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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