You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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