I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sext me about skeletons
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
