I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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