Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
