Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
