This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
